I was writing to a friend, and I sort of came to a realization; I think I'm going to make it, even if my feelings for everything are the same.
Here's what I wrote:
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Yesterday, after talking to Nesa, I became very aware about how far I'd come from two years ago.
The things that I learned from my friends and teachers in High school.
What I learned from life on my own.
From new experiences in college.
From love with Ariel.
From closeness with Nesa.
From writing to you.
From losing my mom.
From Ely giving her heart stupidly to a man who can't love her (me).
The amount that I've grown in these past years has been amazing, and it's really starting to surprise me how little I've appreciated it.
I'm going to start a new chapter of my life today.
Become more mature, and care for this house and these people.
Be more understanding, and care for all these women who seemingly need my help.
Guide Bobby towards a better direction, and guide (name withheld) away from the direction he's going on.
Help (Other name withheld) get to college, and do something with his life.
Fight to get my friend Ariel back, not to win her heart, but to earn her trust so I can have that special friend who I can turn to.
Swear off love, and just care for people now, but never forget what feelings I've felt, and never deny feelings that I may someday feel.
Ariel would be proud, I think, this is the sort of change she was looking for, and this is the change I've always wanted.
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Thanks guys, I know I've been hellish for this time, and I think I will be sad for quite some time, but now I've got a direction in where I want to be.